Why you live where you live?
Why you are married to your spouse?
Why you are friends with some people and not others?
Why you are working, or why you aren't?
What you do with all that time each and every day that passes?
I find myself wondering a lot. In between living of course. Most of the time, I'm caught in the moment, engaged fully, locked, loaded, ready to spring, or resting after the recoil.
But in those down times, when I can hear the crickets chirp or the birds start their morning routines, I am left with the great solitude of my thoughts. I find myself wondering how all of my choices up to this point have led me to this exact moment in time. I look back...
I wonder "if" but not ruefully. My wondering leads often to the pattern that I can see when I step away-- and look at my life without any real focus. Often, random opportunities taken, people met, books read, songs sung -- have led to something else bigger and better a few years down the road.
When I do the "if only" routine... (I'd be lying if I said that I don't ever think about what might have been) I do come back to the "but, no!" thoughts. If only, for example, I chose a different college -- "but no!" -- because I wouldn't have had that internship which led me to my girlfriend which led me to my husband with whom I've made my children. See what I mean?
You can do the "if only" but because everything is connected in your continuum, if you change one thing -- the rest of the path is altered dramatically leaving you without people, experiences and lessons which make you who you are. For some people, that one little change may change more bad than good. But for me? Not so much.
So yes. I do wonder.
And I'm filled with wonder.
Wonder that I've been so lucky to have had such a wild ride. Wonder that I have a full, rich, life and am surrounded by people who I love and who love me back.
Pretty cool thought train today...